A visit to the hood is always fun. You usually get to see something...if not crazy, then at least a little off. Took an old shortcut to get downtown today, and I definitely forgot my shortcut: huge old houses that should've been leveled 20 years ago, pit bulls chained to trees, rims that cost the same as fixing the crazy earthquake-victim driveway....yup, I'm suddenly in the hood. Please god let something awesome happen, I'm so ready. I slowed down to take it all in and the ... universe was good to me.

I saw an old man staring up into a tree while holding a shotgun. I heard a pregnant lady smoking a cigarette tell her neighbor that diet soda is bad for you. A teenage girl stopped kicking a soccer ball to dab on me furiously as I drove past her. A little kid was using grass clippings and pieces of cardboard to roll a Guiness Book level play-blunt. Another kid wearing a really nice 3-piece suit twerked on his mailbox. That was it, kinda cool but nothing amazing.

Then I saw a guy walking a fucking cow on a leash. OK maybe it was a dog but it was literally bigger than him, weirdly colored, and taking a shit like a horse does, standing around letting it fall where it may. I had to pause my music just to hear myself say "holy shit". I mean you see someone staring impatiently and holding a leash, you know a pet is nearby working things out. I was ready to judge his dog choice, not ready to see Clifford The Big Red Hood Mascot. I'm not sure there's a difference vocally in seeing Cliff or a hot girl bending over, because I yelled "DAAAMMMNNNN" either way. Guy looked at me like yea, I know, he's too much. items with white color to wear that looks cute

That's it, nothing happened. I saw a fucking Hood Monster and I wanted to talk about it. Sorry you had to read all that. I do wanna go back and ask twerk boy where he got the suit cuz that was the flyest 8 year old I've ever seen.