With the exception of the vacations I have had in the last year, do you know how much bawling I did?

Crying for the two babies I cared for, crying for them giving up on me, crying for being alone, crying for feeling stuck and alone, crying for the worthless, meaningless fucking between all the girls I brought over and that terrifying feeling in the pit of my stomach that came after the sex; and worst: crying for feeling like I'll never have my dreams because I chose to give l informal casual wears for a beach wedding ... ove.

Don't fucking judge me for wanting to rise out of all this pain; to never feel like I did last year.

I was running to the bathroom to cry at work. I was ashamed to tell my parents that we had broken up because I wanted us to work out. And the second bitch, my family thought I fucked up the relationship because they liked her so much. Mom bought picture frames for us haha.

I just sat in an empty apartment, on the floor, with a bottle of red wine, listening to Kendrick Lamar and Bob Dylan trying to pick myself up and make sense of the turns my life has taken.

Bankruptcy? Wage garnishment? Yep.

It ain't all rainbow and butterflies. And when I feel like this whole world is against me, I'm going to be the biggest fucking prick you meet.

You know, I did the same thing you did: I let women grow close to me and then I ghosted them; just to see if what you did to me was right.

It wasn't.