when a person is accused of a sex crime, it is no different than any other crime. our justice system is based on the principle of innocent until proven guilty. we've gone so far as to protect the "victims" in that their images and names are not released... but the suspect is immediately named and publicized in every known media. at the extreme, we "process" criminals for years within the evidential and trial system - even though we may have film footage and positive identification of the crime. I will stand with anyone that rape is as heinous a crime as murder and that conviction and punishment should be swift and total. I well understand the cruelty and the hardships laden on the victim to come forth. I would never consider that the victim was dressed seductively or "was asking for it". No simply means no.
but all too often,,. it is a matter of he said/ she said. all too often, a yes please can later become a matter of what did I do. it may be under the influence, it can be an emotion misled - or simply a change of mind/heart. what can be a loving passionate exchange tonight can easily become a source of regret tomorrow. in anger or fear, a willing partner might become a terrified victim long after the deed. these are emotions - passions - the nature of all humans.
not so long ago, one would follow his/her interest of affection. chat up their friends. take up their activities just to be near them, to learn about them, to hope for the opportunity to meet them and get to know them. you mooned and swooned from a distance. until you finally met... then, you waited for the right moment to touch their hand, to steal a kiss, to let them know that you desired them. that was courtship. today - it's stalking. what changed? social media is new. our social worlds aren't what they were even 25 years ago. true - its always been wrong to "drop trou" in front of a guest. grabbing another intimately based on you having made sure to have used a tictac has always been wrong. but we once risked intimate contact always with the chance that it would be rejected, or welcomed. that's the way it was played. now, in today's politically correct times, one would be a fool to make a first move. somehow, the workplace has become a gender free zone - although we spend 1/3rd or more of our time there with perhaps the only other human contact we might have. workers get breaks, enjoy coffee or water cooler time - and others abuse those "pleasures" in the office. Like some will abuse their social interactions on company time. Employers don't want anything taking away from productive time, and in-office romances can be disruptive when they go bad. So they make rules. Long Homecoming Dresses 2020
all that being said, romance or any interpersonal relationship is always a gray fuzzy area... a dance, a challenge. advances can be rejected, anticipated, or welcomed. they can be too little they can be way overboard. And yes, they can be crude and vulgar. we all have to learn and develop our skills. we know when we have been violated, or been in violation. abuse of that knowledge should not go unchecked/unpunished.
the reason that this all sets so uneasy with me: in my home town years ago, a local man was accused of rape and sentenced to prison. 5 years later another man, looking MUCH like the convicted fellow confessed to the crime with irrefutable evidence. that's what the records now say - word on the street at the time was that the 2 ladies recanted their accusations. end of story - the first man was released after having spent 5 years in prison. the real criminal was convicted and sent up. why do I know about it? my dad - a totally uninvolved 3rd party - looked amazingly like both of these guys! when the story was all in the local news our family unknowingly went to eat at a local steak house - where one of the women (or it may have been the 1st guy's wife) worked. I heard the whispers, I saw the stares. within a few nights, my dad was pulled over "just because" by the local police. for several months, we got hang-ups, obscene calls, and drive-bys on our quiet little cul-de-sac (that's not so easy to do!). because of a case of mistaken/confused identity, my dad was treated like a sex offender! so, no. I don't accept every accusation as fact. And, I believe, that what may be considered sexual harassment today, may have been poor judgement at courtship not so many years ago.
having the police keep you away from teen hangouts (the mall) or inviting a co-worker or subordinate to shower with you, while already naked is clearly over the line.